Increasing numbers of Japanese men are marrying older women

A record-high 25% of first-time marriages in Japan now involve an older wife. Data reveals the reality of Reiwa-era marriage and that the classic “men work, women handle the home” trap hinders matchmaking efforts.

Historically, marriages in Japan with an age gap tended to feature an older husband. However, marriages where the woman is older are now on the rise, according to government date from 2024. Of course, this might be as little as one or two years older, though there are examples of celebrities marrying or dating where the woman is significantly older (Koyuki, Rinko Kikuchi, Aki Hoshino, Haruka Ayase, Chiharu Niiyama, etc.)

Why are more men choosing older wives? What do women find in life with a younger husband? Chanto Web spoke with the sociologist Masahiro Yamada about shifting views on marriage and the evolving nature of the marital relationship.

Yamada is professor Chuo University specializing in family sociology. He coined the term “konkatsu” (marriage-hunting activities), which has become the most common way to describe searching for a marriage partner in Japan.

“There may be a common perception that men prefer younger women, but looking at the big picture, the age gap between spouses has been narrowing year by year,” Yamada notes.

“Amidst this trend, marriages where the wife is older are definitely increasing. While such unions accounted for only about 10% of marriages around 1970, the figure gradually rose, surpassing 20% ​​in the 2000s. I view this as a positive trend, as the psychological barriers have diminished.”

What are the benefits for women to marry a younger man?

“I once worked with a hair and makeup artist on a show who said that her husband is seven years younger, and genuinely listens to what she says. Young men today are often eager to help with or participate in housework and child-rearing, though the influence of their parents’ generation means that certain traditional attitudes persist: specifically, a sense that the man should take the lead, and Confucian values ​​emphasizing respect for one’s elders.”

Being older than your husband can, in short, help when it comes to getting them to help with houeswork!

“In daily life, men often find themselves instinctively bristling when women of their own age or younger make requests regarding housework or child-rearing. On the other hand, if the partner is older, that resistance tends to fade, perhaps because the social norm of respecting seniority counteracts the male instinct to assert dominance. It is likely easier to accept advice with an open mind when it comes from an older wife who possesses a wealth of life and professional experience.”

Physically too, Yamada suggests that women are now able to attract younger men because of cosmetics and better fashion. The era of the dowdy woman in her late thirties is over. Don’t discount the allure of the jukujo! As we know from countless examples, Japanese women can age really well (even into their fifties), like a fine red wine!

“One major factor is the heightened awareness of beauty, skincare, and fashion, which makes it easier for women to maintain an attractive appearance as they age. The sense of self-efficacy gained from continuing a career also plays a role in this trend. While data consistently shows that men still prioritize physical appearance as a primary criterion when evaluating potential romantic or marriage partners, the age range of women who meet that standard has expanded dramatically.”

The rising cost of living, and in particular of new houses in Tokyo, has made it essential to have two incomes. In the past, it was common for the wife to work part-time and earn less than the husband, but men are now happy for their partner to earn as much as, if not more than, them.

“Unlike the era of continuous economic growth, working hard as a full-time employee today doesn’t necessarily lead to significant salary increases. For better or worse, the pressure men once felt to be the sole provider has eased,” says Yamada.

The professor concludes by emphasizing the need to communicate as a couple.

“We are no longer bound by age gaps or the traditional division of roles where men work and women handle the home. The new standard for couples navigating this era of dual-income households will be a relationship built on mutual effort, self-improvement, respect, and cooperation.”