Can you demand your date repays costs of trip if you don’t have sex?

Legal website Bengo4 recently considered a question sent in by a reader: Are there legal repercussions for not having sex on a trip with the person who paid?

This isn’t just a question of guys left horny, lonely, and disappointed, forced to jerk off in an expensive hotel room they booked in the expectation of getting sex. More than just sour grapes, there’s also the issue of romance scams, where people pretend to be interested in you, even to the extent of agreeing to go to Tokyo Disneyland just because they want a free trip to the resort, not because they want to spend time with you.

The query actually came from a female reader, who is planning a trip to Tokyo with a male friend, which included a visit to Disneyland. They had separate hotel rooms and the friend paid for the travel and accommodation costs.

On the last night, the friend was peeved, asking the woman: “Even though I paid for everything, we’re not going to do anything?” She turned him down.

He then subsequently sent her guilt-inducing messages, claiming “it’s not worth living.”

The woman wants to know if she is legally obliged to repay her spurned friend for her half of the travel costs.

A lawyer called Shunsuke Koseki provided legal advice on the matter.

Agreements that link the exchange of money with a sexual relationship are against public order and morals and are therefore invalid and cannot be legally enforced.

Demands such as “I paid you money, so you must have a sexual relationship” or “We had a sexual relationship, so you must pay me money” are not permitted.

In cases like this, there appears to have been no clear agreement, but even if there had been, the party who refused would not be held civilly liable (for example, to have a sexual relationship, to repay travel expenses, or to pay compensation).

Does forcing someone to have sex because you had paid their travel costs constitute a crime?

It does not immediately become a crime. However, if a person forces a sexual relationship by demanding they return the money they paid if they do not engage in a sexual relationship, akin to a sugar daddy arrangement, it could be considered a crime of indecent assault or non-consensual sexual intercourse.

On the other hand, using a sexual relationship as an excuse to defraud someone of money (what we would call stringing someone along) could constitute fraud. While the Itadaki-joshi Riri-chan (Receiving Girl Riri-chan) case made headlines, toying with someone’s romantic feelings to defraud them of money can also be a crime.

What should people do to avoid such issues when going on dates or taking trips?

As a lawyer, I recommend keeping a record on social media that clarify your plans to “just have dinner” or “just hang out” so that they know you have no intention of developing a sexual relationship with them. However, that may not be as enjoyable.

If you’re the one inviting the other person, don’t expect too much from an expensive date. Start with something affordable. Rather than the amount of money you spend, why not try to win them over by focusing on your own charm and how exciting the date is?

If you’re the one being invited and don’t want to ruin your relationship, try inviting another friend so it’s not just the two of you, or going on multiple daytime dates, and finding the appropriate distance. Don’t act like the “hottie” who caused a stir, and keep your hints of possible intimacy to a minimum.

Both inviting and being invited are part of the joy of life. I think being considerate of each other is important to create a time that both enjoy.

Bengo4 has previously considered such thorny issues as whether neighbors can be sued for noisy sex, and what happens to your assets if you divorce your wife for compensated dating.